Footprints in the sand

Alpha & Omega?

2011-02-21T18:29:00.000-08:00

I went to CU last week and the guy speaking gave me a whole new perspective on Revelation 22:13

When I used to read or think about this verse, I used to think about how God was there in the begining and he'll be there after the end. I never realised that this could mean that he is the Alpha and Omega of my life. the A-Z ; and everything inbetween. So I began to wonder

After the talk about God being the God of everything, I wondered whether there was anything I wasn't allowing God to be the God of. There are things in my life I've thought its too small an issue for God to care, its too big, I've tried to deal with it and can't so God won't be able to. This man who spoke totally rubbished that thought. Its time to start allowing God to be the God of EVERY aspect of my life.

Think about parts of your life that you aren't letting God be the God of...

Well Hello there...

2011-02-21T17:28:00.000-08:00

This is laying really heavy on my heart... I feel like God wants to start preparing me to be a wife, but i've got a long way to go to be prepared. I feel like I need to be happy with who I am and where I'm at in my life right now in order to enjoy it and glorify God in the situation I'm in at the moment. The way I am to be prepared is to first be happy and enjoy my single life as it is. As for when the husband comes into the situation, your guess is as good as mine. who knows. But I feel as though God is allowing me to start to search for the lucky person who gets to spend the rest of their life with me and figure out what kind of person will be compatible with me. I need to begin to pray boldy and intensely about this situation. after all, I am called to be in a relationship, and I need to pray assertively about who, and how it happens. God is definitely calling me to pray about this...

Forget this existed for a while...

2011-01-24T13:55:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I abandoned my poor little blog for so long! I miss my random little moans, profound (well I think so) thoughts, and other such musings. I hoped to be famous by now... lolz, not really.
Noone reads this anymore I guess, so I doesn't really matter what I write on it.

Me and God aren't so much bezzies anymore. I miss him. He hangs out with all my friends all the time but I keep my door locked from him. I get jealous at how close my housemates are to the big G. I wish I was still that on fire for Him. People ask me to pray for them and it feels a completely foreign concept these days. I spent so long plucking up the courage to pray in front of others and now I've kind of gone back to square one. I feel inferior to all the other christians around me.

Once upon a time, I would sit and have really amazing God talks with my friends. my new(ish) friends don't do that with me... they've never known me like that so why would they want to? I've always been the friend that people share their burdens with... not so much anymore. It makes me really sad. I wish I could go back to then...

what a way to start blogging again. lol.

Vlog

2009-10-22T17:46:00.000-07:00

I wanna start a vlog... would anyone care to donate a webcam and/or microphone so that i can do this?! (im actually being serious)

something to think about

2009-10-20T19:07:00.000-07:00

hi all... long time an' all that... so theres a big thing on twitter tonight. "No God" was a trending topic for a while, it dissapeared and now "Know God" is a trending topic. I think it all sparked off with something Rev Run said. Then I went back on twitter just now and saw this, which Rev Run has just said. I thought it was absaloutly amazing and completely inspired and I just had to share it with the Christians of you that follow my blog (not that theres been anything to follow recently but nevermind)
He said this:
"B gud! ppl r watching.. Besides,, ur life may be the only scripture sum ppl will ever read"

Just something to think about anyway! so how've you all been? xx

77 hits?!

2009-09-01T15:17:00.001-07:00

whos viewing this piece of crap?

....

2009-07-31T16:26:00.001-07:00

free hit counters

expectant...

2009-07-27T16:45:00.000-07:00

I'm in a strange mood tonight. im not unhappy at all. i'm very content and feeling very thankful for the life that i have. but at the same time i'm frustrated. Frustration sometimes can be easily solved by solving the problem that your frustrated with. the problem is... i dont have a problem. maybe im so used to having problems in my life that not having a problem feels foreign to me. i feel so happy. Im so thankful to God that i finally have a job. and i'm so excited because in no more than 6 weeks im off to turkey for 2 weeks with some friends then i'm going to uni. but right now i'm frustrated. i think I'm feeling impatient as well.

Because I know God is calling me to go to Chester Uni... a stronger knowledge and feeling of being called than I have EVER known, I know its going to be one of the biggest learning curves of my life, and where I'm going to grow so much... as a persona and in my faith. And probably one of the best experiences in my whole life. But thats not for another 8 weeks... doesnt seem long. but because I'm finally joyful for the first time since the nearly 2 years ago, and starting to experience God in my life again for the first time in a long long time, Im expecting to experience God in way ive never experienced Him before. The thing is, I dont know why. But I have a feeling Its going to happen soon.

Im praying with expectation. I have things to pray about. I will let you know....

Long time and all that...

2009-07-14T05:01:00.000-07:00

Short but sweet post today. i know i haven't posted anything worthwhile reading in past months, but this is a short post just to let you all know where i'm up to now.
I got a job! 11 months of looking and my sister says to me "oh yeah i forgot to mention, my mate is the manager of the JD in Liverpool 1, i'll have a word with her!" better late than never though and i'm very thankful that she got that sorted for me!

As you all know, ive had a pretty rubbish year, looking for a job and not seeing where God was in the whole thing. I've felt really lonely with hardly anyone to see and talk to put me on a real downer. there was no reason to get up in the morning, and i've regretted so much about this year because, again, of my attitude towards my situation. I went to Ashby for a visit last week, and had a good chat with a few people. I went to go and see a woman i used to work with... lovely susy! She told me she'd thought i'd changed and grown up a lot over the year i'd been away from ashby, and said that maybe i didnt get the youthwork jobs i was after in september because i wouldnt have been at my 100% and that maybe i need this year to refresh and reflect. So simple but it totally just clicked. it made sense of everything and i can now say that i dont regret a single thing that has happened this year. i feel content and happy with how things are and the reason why it all happened. I spent all year trying to figure out what on earth God was playing at. i felt abandoned. But because of that conversation with Susy, about my year and the 2 years i was in ashby, I've found Him again, so thanks Susy! (And Laura for lettin' me have a good ol' rant!)

Blamin' it on the boogie.

2009-06-27T14:37:00.000-07:00

So before I confess to this, I want to say that as friends of mine, I expect you to accept me as I am warts and all.

Now thats over with, I need to admit, I am really sad about michael jacksons death. I actually can't get my head round it. I feel like i'm in mourning. Its feels really weird.

Music is my life. God gave me that passion and talent. Michael Jackson made me realise it. He is a legend. His music had messages in them. I love that. His music has soul, heart, a beat that made you feel connected to something mysterious & deep. That is still the case, it also makes me feel connected to God. maybe you won't understand that. but at the end of the day God created music and everything about it. God created Michael Jackson. MJs music, for me, gets inside of you and infects you and makes you feel so many different emotions. That is what music is about.

His music is one of a kind for me. its high up on a pedastal (or whatever its called) with VERY FEW other artists' music, that makes me feel like nothing else in this world.

Wacko Jacko

2009-06-25T17:24:00.000-07:00

In the past hour I heard the horrible news that MJ has died. Can't quite believe it.

I had always aimed to use this blog to write down my thoughts, mainly how things have affected me in some way. With that in mind, I want to say that, although I wasn't a crazy head fan, I was a Jacko fan. lets face it, who wasn't.

Music is a MASSIVE part of my life, and he shaped that in some way. He was the greatest pop artist there ever was and ever will be, and everyone knows how much I love a good tune. He made music videos an essential and his videos were legendary, especially thriller.

So, personal life aside, Michael Jackson is one of the greatest there ever was and for shaping music to how it is today, I would like to say Rest in Peace to Wacko.

Reading from a group on facebook...

2009-06-19T16:09:00.001-07:00

I joined this group on facebook ages ago called "overheard in liverpool" I go through it some times cause i know im gonna get a laugh out of it. i ended u cryin once i was laughin so hard. you get some mad'eds in liverpool im tellin ya!

I was just reading it now and came across this post and it made me really sad

While i was working on benefit helpline, young bird with 4 kids ring up,
Me "how can i help today?"
woman "giz me fucking money"
I then find out shes been overpaid and further payments have been stopped - she spent it all on ciggies and cider.
Woman "my kids are starving here you cunt, give me some money to buy the baby milk or he's gonna die"
I am very sympathetic, but explain I cant give her any wedge.
Woman "IF YOU DONT GIVE ME SOME FUCKING CASH, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO BREAK INTO MY BINGO MONEY YOU FUCKER"
What a girl!!!!!!

Couldnt believe what I was reading. I know you get some horrible people in this world but knowing theres someone who lives probably not far from me puts ciggies cider and bingo over her own childrens' lives makes me sick to my stomach. It makes me sad, also, because her kids are likely to grow up and be exactly the same as her... unless Jesus gets to them first.

Remembering some good times

2009-05-14T17:26:00.000-07:00

Before I left Ashby, I helped out Northcott with an amazing 24/7 prayer week. I was feeling creative and honest (which hindered the beauty of what i'm about to show you a little bit because its not very good in parts lol!) so I wrote this poem. Inspired by the poem that sparked off the 24/7 prayer madness!

You see a generation of selfishness
I see a generation struggling for opportunities to serve their nation

You see A Gang, each with an ASBO
I see a party of individuals with nothing else to do

You see A School who detest the Bible
I see one that’s hungry to hear it relevantly

You see a mob, looking to cause trouble
I see an Army, searching for a war. A good war

You see youths that are hopeless
I see young adults longing to make change

You see kids that don’t care
I see people who care more than the hundreds of generations that walked before them

You see a boy, blasting his music out; angry at the fact he got arrested… again
I see a man, angry at you, and what you think of him. You don’t even know him

You see a girl. A stupid one at that. 6 months pregnant because they forgot to use protection
I see a girl longing to feel the perfect love she has frantically searched for since her father left

You see a guy who cares only for himself
I see a guy doesn’t realise that people care about him

You see a girl who hates school… she’ll miss it when she leaves…wont she?
I see a girl whose school only cares about what grades she gets… for the league table

You see a guy who sells himself because it’s easy money
I see a man who is desperate to show the love he knows no other way of expressing

You see a girl who attempts suicide for the attention
I see a girl who knows no other way out

You see a generation that doesn’t care about people worse off than them… hopeless cases
I see a generation that can’t afford the flight to South Africa to help the 6 year old boy with HIV

You see kids that laugh at the homeless guy down the road because he has a holey coat and a disgusting odour
I see young people that don’t know how else to react, because they’re afraid in 10 years, it could be them

You see mean girls, who bitch about their best friend behind her back… you didn’t do that in your day did you?
I see best friends who have deep conversations about the state of our world and how they can do something to un-do the mess that your generation has made

You see kids who hate
I see ones that love

You see children that vandalise for the sake of it
I see artistic expression

You see youths that want to cause riots, havoc, ruckus
I see an army! A dangerous one! That longs for a worthy cause. One where they also feel love and belonging. That cause? That love? Jesus! They’re ready for war… but don’t know what to fight for. “Fight for Jesus”, I say! “Not against those that love, but those that judge! Sunday worshippers. Fight against evil. Find Salvation, put on your armour and fight the good fight!

Life got good for a while.

2009-05-14T15:31:00.000-07:00

well hello there. long time since i last ranted on about how crap my life is! I think i have more of a reasonable perspective on it this time.
Im still unemployed.. the silver service job didnt work out cause they werent giving me any work! Because I've been unemployed for however long it is now, they are putting me on a work based training placement thing. I went to the company for a meeting today, and there people there are all horrible. I dont understand why any of them have gone for a job where they have to help people, cause they were completely useless. they made me feel about an inch tall and really werent helpful whatsoever.

So I have to start this placement on the 26th of this month, and I'm determined to not still be signing on by then so that i dont have to do it. In fact, I think i will probably sign off anyway. i dont give a shit about the money, although i do need it for my hols. I just am not doing it cause i know it will be crap.

they asked me what i wanted to do in the future... i said youth work, so they are placing me doing youthwork 25hours a week half 9 till 4 monday to friday.. the idiots clearly think youth work is a 9-5 job. knob'eads. But i was most annoyed because they didnt ask me what i wanted to do now! which isnt youth work! but they've put me on youthwork! duh! they are so stupid! im so angry!!!

Im sick of the way unemployed people are treated. I shall be voting conservative in the next general election... they seem to have a better view on these things, and quite frankly i'm sick of this shitty labour government with a dumbass prime minister... what where the labour party thinking when they got him to be their leader! Bring back tony blair - best of a bad lot i think! So unless the liberal democrats give me a good reason to vote for them, I'll be voting Conservative. I like their leader. he makes sense. Im not conservative myself. Im not anything to be honest. and i'll keep it that way so that i can change my mind ever election as time goes on. why do i ever care about all this stuff? I dont know!

I just dont know what to do at the moment. nothing is making sense. Ive found a job as a fundraiser, which looks really good, travelling around the country each week getting paid £240 a week to ask others for money... ive had enough experience in doing that, they should definitely take me on. they also pay for your accomodation and a team car. making friends, making a difference and moving out... good times.
But i am sceptical cause i always find jobs i think are perfect for me, and i never end up getting them. Quite frankly i'm getting sick of God's Will now. How can 9 and a half months of nothingness be in Gods Will please?!!! does my head in. and if one more person gives me that verse in Jerimiah or tells me that maybe God is teaching me something or maybe i need to pray more.. i'm gonna hit there over the head with a frying pan!

did you know...?

2009-05-05T17:54:00.000-07:00

that it is against islam to associate the Qu'ran with music... how puzzling! I wonder why.

Glad my faith tells me the opposite though... i love that my two favourite things in the whole world are regularly combined!!

Discovered

2009-04-30T17:01:00.000-07:00

Ive just discovered two artists ive never heard of before...

Steve Appleton ... he's new I think.. search for him on youtube. His single is a bit lame, but a couple of his other songs are very jack johnson... and i would have married Jack Johnson in a second before I discovered this fella.. he's very good (looking.. ha) no seriously, he's really good

and this weird band called young knives? anyone heard of them? they're from Ashby De La Zouch!!! of all places! and they look old but there music isnt old. there a bit weird. I'm not sure if its a bit too weird for my liking. I know a lot of people who would love them though!

tell me ma me ma

2009-04-20T16:41:00.000-07:00

(to the tune of que sara sara)

Tell me ma me ma
to put the champagne on ice
we're goin to wembley twice
tell me ma me ma!

(to the tune of somethin that i cant remember the name of)
follow follow follow
ever-ton are the team to follow
and theres nobody better than mikel arteta
he's the best little spaniard we know!

The trial is over, and justice is done,
It’s jail for the animals for killing your son,
May they rot in jail for a long, long time,
May it teach them a lesson for their heinous crime,

God. Look after Rhys, and keep him close by,
I hope he’s still plays football up in the sky,
If heaven has a first team Rhys will be there,
Running and dribbling and scoring, with care,

While playing his heart out, he’s not on his own,
He’s just recieved a pass from Brian Labone,
With just one lookup, he answers the call,
And plays a one two with the great Allen Ball,

He’ll have plenty of trainer’s, they wont let him rest
With the great Bobby Moore and also George Best,
When you hear a loud thunder, it’ll be a safe bet,
It’s the roar of the angels when Rhys hits the net

And Finally to this glorious tune

Everton, Everton,We're Forever Everton,
All for one,One for all,Everton's the team that plays beautiful football.
We've got the best supporter's On any football ground,as long as they're
behind us We'll never let them down,
The men who go from Merseyside To sail the seven sea's Will hear the call of
Everton Come riding on the green
Everton, Everton,We're Forever Everton,
All for one One for all,Everton's the
team that plays beautiful football. We're the kings of Goodison,We play in Royal Blue, The home of all the Toffeemen we play it sweet for you,
We play it on the carpet,We play it in the air, Whichever way we play it
We play it fair and square.
Everton,Everton
We're Forever Everton, All for one, one for all, Everton's the team that plays
beautiful football.
We're after the league, an we're after the cup!, Evertons on the up an up!
The story that is Everton From the days of Dixie Dean, The story we will carry on for the glory of our team, In every land and continent Wherever football's known,
We'll play the game that's Everton And bring the honours home
Everton,Everton,
We're forever Everton, All for one,
One for all, Everton's the team that plays beautiful football, Everton's the team that plays beautiful football!

Its our time... I just know it We're bringing the FA cup home after 14 years!!

That is all...

I dont know exactly what this blog will contain...

2009-04-10T13:25:00.000-07:00

As I'm writing this, I'm actually not too sure whats gonna come out. I usually only write a blog if i have something to say, but i don't. So I hold you all responsible for whatever is released from my finger tips!

So i went to church today. Sometimes if you watch a film for the first time, it can capture you in some way. either the plot is so fantastic and complex that it keeps you attracted to it, or you can get caught up in the love story...even though most of the time theyre all the same. guy meets girl girl meets guy, they get to know each other, they fall in love, something goes wrong and they break up, or there's an obstacle throughout the whole film that keeps them apart that eventually goes away, and then they get back together and live happily ever after. sometimes it even changes your outlook on life. Sometimes you'll watch a film thats so thrilling and there is a really clever twist at the end. So because you loved it so much for whatever reason, you watch it again. But you know whats happened then so you never ever get that same height of thrill and excitement as you did the first time round. sure you still enjoy it, and sometimes you'll still get caught up in the film and be affected by it... but you still know whats coming. So I'm in this pickle about why the flippin' eck there were loads of people crying at church today. I was wondering whether people were crying because Jesus died or whether it was because they were humbled by the salvation they have received. And I have a problem with both of these things. The first being that if its because you're remembering Jesus' death, like when watching a film again, you know whats going to happen on Sunday! I am aware that these probably aren't exact dates, I'm just not sure others are. The second is, if people are humbled by the salvation they have received, why is my church so dull and boring and seemingly unspiritual the other 364 days of the year. Dont get me wrong I'm a big old cry baby myself, and sometimes I am so overwhelmed by the presence of God that I just break down. But I was praying whilst I was there in church, and I just felt like it was all fake. This isn't necessarily my view on all churches or all, if any, of the people in my church. There was just something about this morning that made me uncomfortable.

And to top that off, the sermon was crap.

ooh look at that... i did have something to say.

Good times

2009-04-06T14:19:00.000-07:00

Ive not posted in a while. I'm not sure anyone even reads this, but nevermind.

Today I felt normal for the first time probably since I was in year 11. I can't really explain that any further. And when I say normal I don't mean society's meaning of normal... I dont even know what that is. What I mean is, that for a whole 24 hours, I felt like Lil/Lilly/Betty/Lizzie Wentworth again... I'm yet to decide whether this is a good thing or a bad thing... May be continued, may not.

I got a hair cut and my eyebrows waxed today! It looks fab and my eyebrows look almost perfect if I didnt have puffy eye lids (stupid dad's genes!) I'm on a course that the job centre are making me go on. Its really good. They sent the five of us girls that are on the course to the head office of the company doing the course and they've got a salon there. They did my hair and eyebrows for free... So thank you UK Tax Payers... I had a very good day!
But seriously, it was very good. I think they did it cause we've been unemployed for so long that we feel crap about ourselves and can't afford a decent hair cut and have to pluck our own eyebrowns. I think it gave us a boost. Good times. Why am i rambling on about hair and eyes?

Anyway, tomorrow I am going back into town for this course, where I am looking forward to break time to go and get myself a hazlenut latte from starbucks... possibly the nicest coffee I've ever had. Then at lunch time, I'll probably take a walk around. This course I'm attending is in the city centre but just on the outside of the centre near the river where the three famous liverpool buildings are and all the big tall huge old buildings that are now offices. Might sound strange to others, but I feel so secure and close to God when I'm in this area. It feels liks home. If I could build my house on the waterfront and be able to walk round there every day, I would.

GOOD NEWS GOOD NEWS GOOD NEWS GOODS NEWS...

2009-03-14T16:39:00.000-07:00

Thank God for that!!! I finally have some good news! Ive had the most amazing week in a lonnnnnng time!!

So at the begining of the week, I was accepted onto Gilds ; An Agency where I will be a Silver Service Waitress at charity functiaons, weddings, award ceremonies footie matches etc. i have a job! Good times!

Then I went to Chester Uni today for my interview to study Christian YouthWork... this taught me to trust what I think God is telling me more often, cause I always look back and hear god in the past telling me "yeah your going there, Ive already sorted it" I got there and felt instantly that it is where i am totally meant to be! I felt drawn to this place in seconds, and knew by how I was that I am going to do really well here, even though its gonna be flippin hard!!! but its good that i know that.. see... Growth! Whenever I meet new people/ new groups of people, my barriers spring up straight away. I am quiet and withdrawn, Quiet and really quite shy.. bad times, when you know yours not like that at all! I went and I was myself. Confident, funny, loud-ish, wise ... ok so maybe big headed as well... but theyre the gifts god has given me... i rocked the whole day!

GOOD TIMES!

who wants to be a millon-aire!

2009-03-07T08:01:00.000-08:00

so i watched slumdog millionaire today. Im not really going to say anything about it incase you havent seen it, but its a great film, in which I think God is revealed in the end.

Im not one to follow the crown and watch a film because it won 8 oscars and people are telling me I should watch it otherwise my life will be incomplete, but I caved.. and I am very glad I did. Its not an easy watch... so don't watch it for a feel good factor... watch it to learn, to be shaped by it, and to exercise your brain.

Good times

just a catch up

2009-02-28T15:36:00.000-08:00

So today, I'm feeling ok. No doubt tomorrow or monday, i will start to feel depressed again!

The past 6 months, I've found it impossible to find a job. I think this is due to the fact that I have no experience in anything other than making pizzas, the fact that I live in liverpool, which is, apparently, the worst hit by the recession in the UK.

On tuesday I'm signing up to this Job agency called Gilds. they basically get you to work at events like football matches or race courses and filling in at bars and things, doing bar work or waitressing or whatever it is you wanna do. the thing is, it all sounds too good to be true. six months of unemployment and i just walk into an agency, sign some forms, do some training, and bobs ya uncle. you start gettin work, just like that. I am yet to be convinved... please pray it works out!

One of the reasons why im more desperate for a job now than ever is because i've recently booked a holiday to turkey with some friends! the only thing thats stopping me from being so excited i might wee is the fact that i'm skint. the money to pay for the holiday is sorted. its spending money and dare i say it, clothes money! Even though i'm not a shopaholic, far from it, it needs to be done. i am not sittin on a beach in my jeans and hoody! no way!

The other reasons is because I am so flippin sick of having this morning on at 10:30 every morning as a reason to get out of bed. its driving me INSANE! Ive never felt anything like this. If i spend the next 7 months the way ive spent the last 7 months, I will be socially retarded.. and that is not a nice feeling. I already have problems getting to know new people. imagine what i'd be like if I hadn't done it for 14 months and the only people i saw where my family and my like 4 friends that i have in liverpool (thats not cause i'm a loser, its cause i lost contact with most of my friends here cause i'm crap at keeping in contact!)

So Im about to go crazy anyway. I have an interview at chester uni on the 14th march, which i'm very excited about. Ive applied to study Christian Youth Work. Its only really been since i stopped doing youth work for a while that i realised that I totally loved it and missed it! I can't wait to get back into it! its gonna be amazing. Its the only thing getting me through this crappy none eventful time in my life right now. knowing that the next 3 years are going to be the most amazing, most challenging, most life changing time of my whole life. its going to be good. i know it's going to be hard as well, which is where i think i've grown. I never used to think of the hard stuff and then when i started things, like a new school for 6th form, YFC, the hard stuff would slap me across my chops, and i wouldn't know how to deal with it.

Anyway thats it from me. I always find revealing things and how i'm feeling on here, always makes me feel a bit better. i dont know if anyone ever reads this, but thank you if you do! if not, at least i'm getting my emotions down and i dont have to carry them round in my head all the time!

life

2009-02-11T15:28:00.000-08:00

my life is shit i hate my life. i hate everything about it and me and i am very much losing any faith ive ever had... one more shit thing to happen and i am abandoning jesus forever

What's getting in the way?

2009-02-08T14:06:00.000-08:00

Well here's another one of my "this could be a solution to my problems" blog. But this time, it might actually be.
So since I left Ashby, I haven't had a job, not known whats been going on, feeling crap blah blah... you know the story, I don't need to tell you again.
I met up with Lorna yesterday. She was in liverpool visiting a friend, so we spent the afternoon together. It was fun. we went to an art gallery and I walked round saying "thats cool, I like that etc" and more than occasionally I was getting pissed off because, as i said a number of times "how is that ART?!".
So me an Lorna left the art gallery, and began walking back into town. Again I was moaning a bit... i do that a lot. I was telling lorna my problems of how I can't hear God anymore. I dont know where He is and I can't hear Him telling me what to do. what to test. What job to go for, whether to go for a job and all the rest of it.

Lorna said something that no one else has said to me these past 6 months and it really hit me. She said "maybe he is talking to you. maybe you need to think what is drowning out Gods voice."
This hit me like nothing else has in a looonnng time.

But thats all I have to say on the matter at the moment. I have an interview tomorrow, and I'm going to go to bed in a minute and do some praying about all this stuff. If I hear an answer, I will let you know... or maybe i wont, it depends on what He says.

Lets just wait and see...

tired...

2009-02-01T16:31:00.001-08:00

Ive always been excepting of the fact that you can be so tired, but its due to your emotions. its only been recently that Ive realised that this might be my problem. I might need to talk to someone about this. who knows what might happen. Im scared.

Im exhausted.

(this is not a suicide threat)

Twitter

2009-01-29T04:50:00.001-08:00

A New discovery. its boss

This, I feel, is my first actual rant

2009-01-23T16:39:00.000-08:00

Why is it that, wherever I look and whoever I look at, everyone seems to be "getting on with their lives"? everyone I know has a job/education/things to do. The only things I have to do is clean the house, iron my parents clothes, go to the odd interview and get rejected anyway. I mean come on! what is the point! My life is a big black whole of nothingness (not inrespect of God though, I know I have Him). I know he is there but I can't see Him doing anything. Its really annoying. How, after the success of getting through 2 years in sixth form and getting my A Levels, and having the most amazing two years of my whole entire life in Ashby, have I become this big fat lazy scally bum? It wasn't even by choice.

I'm getting really worried now. Its been 6 months since I was doing anything decent with my life! What if I don't get into Chester Uni in september? will I spend the rest of my life like this? The thought of spending the next 8 months the same as I spent the last 6 is bad enough. I just want something to happen. Nothings happening!!!

I am so annoyed! I'm not even sad anymore. Just plain pissed off!!

The things that make me feel content

2009-01-17T14:49:00.000-08:00

Here is a list of things that make me feel happy and content, whether that be within myself, life, the world and maybe some other things, maybe not even any of those mentioned. Nevertheless, they make me feel happy -

God
My family - they do my head in 16 hours of the day, but I would never replace them
My friends - whether they are from Liverpool, Leicester, Ashby, Warrington, Manchester, London, or anywhere else, you all make my life worth living
Slippers
Pjs
My dog
My blog
Diet Coke
My perseverance - will later be explained (if i remember!)
My bed
Young People - when you get passed the age of 18, most of us become more cynical in our own and God's abilities to change the world for the better. It makes me so happy to know that there will always be young people in the world that will be changing it for us. If you are this person, know that I am praying for you all every day
Facebook - not in a geeky way, but being able to connect with those that otherwise I may never speak to again is good. or speaking to those that I knew when I was a young person. It reminds me of the amazing ways I used to have, that I still try and cling on to
Laughing - obviously it due to happiness, but not only does it make me feel happy, It makes me feel content that I still have the ability to laugh and make people laugh in a world where a lot of things just are not funny
Ashby De La Zouch - Going back takes me back to the days when I was doing all I could to be a Woman of God. And all the laughing, crying, hugs, and the ability to be completely honest about how I was feeling to my friends, my team, the Woman I lived with, and the people in the Hub
Love - I feel that I have so much of it, and thats what makes me connect deeply with so many people. And the fact that I can never go a day without feeling loved
Alcohol - and all the joys it brings, and socialising (not in a shallow way... ok maybe a little bit!)
Pub Church - I miss it
The Bible - cause it never ceases to amaze me
looking back on my days on YFC One - I met some of the most faithful, amazing, beautiful, passionate people I have ever met in my whole life when I was with others from the YFC One team!
Warmth
My Guitar
Jesus
My Dreams - although few and far between
Reading and Watching Films - it doesnt happen often, but the feeling of being slightly more educated with every word makes it feel so easy

And many more

I am doing this because I wanted to Thank God for all the good things in my life
THANK YOU

What about you?

Ciao for now
xx

I'm in a pickle!

2009-01-15T10:41:00.000-08:00

So here's the deal. As you probably know, since I left Ashby in July, I've been looking for a job, with absaloutly no success whatsoever. I had two possibilities in August, that were completely shattered! One was as a youthworker in a church in stafford. but they were clearly losers who where looking for perfection. probably why they have been looking for a youth worker for 2 years. the other was at a church in warrington, which I really felt was where God wanted me, only to be rang up a few hours after my interview to be told I hadn't got the job and they were giving it to the person who was had been a member of the church since he was a kid... no surprises there! Youth work is my life and I love it, but Ive been so bored these past 5 and a bit months that anything will do.

Ive got this interview on monday with a sales and marketing company, which is quite obviously one of those call centres that ring you up at tea time. Its a job I dont even care about... but its a job!!!

Then I randomly came across this job as a female christian youth worker on the job centre website, which was very random, cause they have hardly any youth work jobs as it is, never mind christian jobs! Long story short, they said if I get the job, I could do the hours alongside my degree that Im going on to study in september if I get in (christian youth work in chester) or I could work there as my placement. It all sounds so perfect and amazing if it happened. but its a bit blurry. And this is where my problem is.

there a few things that could happen. One is that I dont go for this interview and go for this job as a youth worker and I get the job and everything is perfect and my life is well and truly happy and fulfilled again. Or I could reject the job go for the youth worker job and not get it, then my life is total shiz, cause I back to square -1, cause then not only do I have no job, my confidence and enthusiasm for finding a job is knocked. Or I could go for this call centre type job, get it, but also apply for the youth worker job, which I'd be likely to find out later about and be devestated that Im not taking the job.

So as you can probably tell, I am WELL confused. Please comment on this post or send me a message on facebook on what you think I should do. And for Goodness sake, please pray for me and this situation!!!!!

hoping for a better future

2009-01-12T16:37:00.001-08:00

As whoever reads this blog will know, the past 5 and a half months for me have been rubbish and uneventful!

I have FINALLLLLY! sent of my university application form. Ive applied to study christian youth work at Chester university.

Ive not posted in a while cause I dont have anything to say. I am yet to feel inspired in the right time at the right place!

All I am asking of you, if you are reading this, is that you pray for me. I want to get onto this course soooo much, and i know that God will get me on if its what he wants. The problem is, ive been so convinced of Gods plans before and Gods just put millions more bolts on those doors. So i've most definitely got things wrong in the past. the thing with this one is, that I have that tingly feeling in my belly that i got when i first decided i wanted to join youth for christ. Im just so scared that i am wrong. So please pray that if god doesnt let me through this door, that i wont be dissapointed! but do also pray for me that i get an interview and a place on the course!

The worlds gone crazy! who's more famous than God?

2008-12-16T15:01:00.001-08:00

I signed into my hotmail account today, and was greeted by this article advertised in the 'msn today' bit. give it a read if you havent already.

Sure, I'm became a MASSIVE X factor fan this year (I'd just like to say, when I saw Alexandras first audition at the begining of the series, I said to my sister that she was going to win!) but how on earth has simon cowell become more famous than the Creator, Saviour and Teacher of the Universe? Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of respect for Simon Cowell. I love his honesty. That he knows he's good. I have great respect for him as a shrewd businessman, but what has he done so Great that means he should be more famous than God? I find it hard to get my head round. Simon Cowell has produced some of the most successful artists of our time... leona lewis, westlife, the list goes on. he managed to get Zig and Zag to number on, as well has robson and jerome (WHY?!!!) So lets compare that to God's achievements... He strikes people dead in the old testemant cause they pissed Him off. He brought people back to life, He cured incurable deceases, he walked on water, He parted the Red sea, kept jonah alive inside that whale. He allowed all that stuff to happen to Job, but made sure that Satan didn't kill Him. He Defeated death so we didn't have to be defeated by death.

Which list do you think is most imressive?

I read this and felt really convicted by God. As an ex youthworker, I wonder whats gone wrong that more under 10 year olds know who Simon Cowell is than who knows about God. Its not right. It was us who were commissioned in Matthew 28:19-20 to go and tell the world about Jesus and what He'd done for us. We were told to talk about Gods love and bring people into His family. So if Simon Cowell is more famous than God, I think this shows that we're not doing the best job we can do. The X Factor had about 16 million viewers on Saturday night... effortless. when was the last time you spoke to even 6 people in a day about jesus when it wasn't to do with your job? It's our job, as already-christians, to tell people our divine secret... so that its not such a secret anymore!

Have a think and pray about it... i certainly will be

Just to let you know...

2008-12-12T17:07:00.000-08:00

Im still alive! i know i havent written a blog in two weeks, and that is very unusual for me... So there it is, no need to worry, this heart is still beating...
just to a different beat to Gods at the moment, I feel. Please pray we get back on track. I dont feel far far away from Him... i just think he needs to speak a little louder to me.

sweetly broken?

2008-12-01T16:44:00.000-08:00

With all my heart, I want to sing this from the rooftops... but I disbelieve more and more of it every single day that I drag myself out of bed and every night I put myself back into my cacoon, where I feel more lonely than I have ever felt in my whole life... sweetly broken? No... just broken

...

2008-12-01T12:52:00.000-08:00

So I changed the name of my blog... Ive given it this name cause, whilst reading back on my blog, ive noticed that I've been going on a journey that God is taking me on... so I thought the name of the that poem fitted aptly. Read the footprints in the sand poem, its amazing. or listen to the song by leona lewis... you'll get the jist....

come on you blues!

2008-11-30T15:40:00.000-08:00

This Picture makes me very happy for more reasons than one... The mighty blues won against tottenham this afternoon. okay, so at the moment spurs arent that hard to beat! But at the same time, Everton are having a pretty tough season and aren't doing very well at the whole winning thing!

The Second reason it made me happy was because, after seeing this picture, I searched for Pienaar on wikipedia, to find out, he is a devout christian, who does work with a dutch charity called 'Kerk en Actie' in English? 'Church and Action' who work to help give young offenders and juveniles a second chance when they get out of prison... I just thought it was amazing to see one of my boys living out his faith in Jesus. It also makes me happy to know that he will be worshipping everytime he walks out on a pitch to play. I think I might want to marry him! well, I don't, but wouldnt that be amazing!

I love it!

That is all... not very interesting, but it made the whole thing made my day

Put my Fleece out

2008-11-25T08:35:00.000-08:00

I put a fleece out last night... I will let you know next week if anything happens. I am anxious.

To be like Jesus...

2008-11-23T17:51:00.000-08:00

When I go to church, I usually go to the typically traditional Sunday Morning service, but yesterday, me and my mum were feeling a bit shit and didnt get up on time to go... Im just not a morning person, but my mum had gone to Birmingham the night before to see Cliff Richard! The Shame! haha... So I said to my mum why don't we go to church tonight? She was happy. For some reason, the thought of going to church perks us christians up... we hope for encouragement, a friendly chat and a shit cup of coffee...but its ok, cause we get to catch up with our friends. Its a service aimed at students, and my mums not used to that kind of thing, but i think she got something out of it anyway... I definitely did. They didn't do the service the way they usually do this week. There doing a series of services based on Jesus' last words when he was on the cross...Last nights was about when he said "I am thirsty" I wasn't too sure of the whole concept of it, but I got my own stuff out of it anyway, which is what I will bore you with now.

They had four different "stations" where we went together to think about/pray about etc the first of which was the Garden of Gethsemane, where Jesus spent His last night of freedom (not like a stag do... actually his last night of freedom) He was praying to God and asking Him to take the burden of bringing salvation to God people from Him... Basically, he was scared shitless about having to die the way He did. He knew what was coming. Yet, what He said was "if this is your will,then this is what will be done. I was thinking about this and I looked at this part of the story in a whole new light. Imagine what you would feel like if you were perfect. Like properly perfect. not the played down version of the word we use today, but totally sinless, and you knew that you were going to die the next day. Punishment for something you hadn't done. you would shit yourself too. But would you go through with it. I think, if im completely honest, I would say, Acutally no, Im not the son of god, so that they wouldnt kill me... but that brings up a whole other theological debate that i cant be arsed to get into cause im writing enough as it is. But what I wanted to say was how flipping obedient was Jesus?! As a Christian, I believe that God creates you with a purpose in life. The purpose of Jesus being born as a man was for Him to die. Yes he did loads of other shit like heal people, bring people back from the dead, kick off at the people selling stuff in the temple and turning water into wine so that the father of the bride wasnt embarrased cause he didnt buy enough! but ultimately, His purpose was to die. For our sins. I felt really convicted by all this. Especially recently, I've not really been searching out and following Gods Will. How obeidient are we to what God wants for us in our lives. We have lots of purposes in our life, but are we following them all. And are we willing to be SO obedient to the point where it could cost us our lives? imagine how different the world would be if all us Christians where as obedient as Jesus? wouldn't a few more of us be in prison for our faith, or dying because of our faith. There might be more women vicars and less priests in prison! well you get what im talking about not hopefully. I can't help but imagine what I might be doing if I was 100% following Gods purpose for my life. I think I need to take a long took at my life and see what it is that God is calling me to. Maybe I should be over in China being beaten and pissed on in prison... who knows.

Talking of which, the next part of the so-called "journey" was the bit in the story (I hate the word story...it down plays the whole Jesus thing as if its fiction, but anyway) where Jesus was being whipped and beaten before he carried the cross. you might have seen the film "the passion of the christ" Its a sickening image. It makes me actually feel sick. But it happened...don't know if there was so much blood when it happened, cause I wasnt there... But the pain, anguish and sadness on His face... that was real. I don't think Ive ever heard of such persecution since it happened to Jesus. God tells us in the bible that as christians we will be persecuted. I understand that we are all persecuted as chrsitians, even in the western world where christianity is legal, but I cant help but to think that if we were all to step out in faith a bit more, the persecution may be a little bit more intense. A bit more what Jesus was going on about when he told us we will be persecuted for following Him. I don't know whether my faith is strong enough to withhold such persecution. We all say in hyperthetical situations that we think our faith would be strong enough to get us through such ordasities, but would it really? (that was actually a question for you to think about!... if you want, you don't have to) but its what God has said for us. so are we doing something wrong? maybe, maybe not.

the next part of the journey was Jesus on the cross, with the sign above Him that said "Jesus... King of the Jews" This sign was up on a screen. The Romans were pretty much just taking the piss out of Him... Bastards. I spent 2 years in ashby. In Liverpool, Im just Lizzie Wentworth. In Ashby, I was "that girl that works for youth for christ". Now Ashbys a proper little town, so a lot of the young people knew me and quite a few of the older people too. A lot of young people/friends took the piss out of me for being a christian or going to church or whatever. how should we feel when this happens? what do we do? The bible tells us to be joyful through it all. I kept this in my head when we were doing our skaters drop in club, or just walking home from work! I walked past this group of girls who went to the school we did a lot of work in and I could hear them talking about me and then they started saying "oh my god! amen. Mary..." and so on. That wasn't actualy what they said, but basically they were taking the piss. And I couldn't help but just smile to myself. I thought, you know what, thats amazing. these girls know I'm a chrsitian... and sometimes thats enough. I bet Jesus was well happy with me. It just reminded me of why I was in Ashby, doing what I was doing, and who I was doing it for... and it encouraged me. But sometimes its not like that... and you just feel really down. But we should feel how I felt when the girls were ripping into me... Good times, I say!

Last but not least (you will be happy to know!) was near the end of Jesus' time on the cross when he said "I am thirsty", and then he said "It is finished". When we leave this earth, will we be able to say "it is finished?" everyone on earth has a purpose. how do we fulfill this purpose? will we ever fulfill His purpose for us? i dont want to be on my death bed thinking i wish id done this or i wish id have said that. there are people in my life i want to know about jesus, i just dont have the balls to tell them... hopefully that was short enough for you, i wrote some notes last night, and thought as i read that bit, that sounds ok, I'll leave it as that, ha!

Then we prayed - This is my life at the moment... just a big black cave. I can't see where I'm going. I dont understand why things are the way they are at the moment. I prayed last night that jesus would light up the cave that Im in, and show me the next step on my path out of this cave... Im waiting patiently.

So, In conclusion... last night made me ask myself the following questions... Am i ready to do ANYTHING in order to follow Gods will. Am i prepared for ultimate persecution and mocking. Will I be thinking "what if..." on my death bed? I sure as hell hope not.

I went to prayers and a pint tonight. what a genius idea! It was boss

x

Footprints in the sand

2008-11-19T16:40:00.000-08:00

lately ive been loving leona lewis, so i was listening to her song 'footprints in the sand' on youtube. Two different things were going through my head whilst I was watching & listening to the video. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=d08X2lN669k

firstly I found God again tonight! I lost Him somewhere in the past 4 months. I found him again in this song. For those of you that don't know, this song is based on the "footprints in the sand" poem by, debateably, Mary Stevenson - have a read even if you know it, its always good to be reminded of this amazing poem. http://www.footprints-inthe-sand.com/index.php?page=Poem/Poem.php As you may well know, I left youth for christ in July to look for a job in Christian Youthwork. It wasn't until I was rejected out of two jobs that I suddenly realised, it wasn't what God wanted for me. But I didn't panic, I thought well if God has called me back home to Liverpool, he obviously has a plan for me, so I will sit it out, "knock" on a few doors, and see what comes of it. Nothing. Still no job, no life, hardly any friends in Liverpool anymore, that I see regularly. Just a dull existense. To those of you who have never been in this postition you wont understand when I say this is probably the worst Ive ever felt in my whole entire life. I felt insecure most of my life, but recently I have felt like a complete waste of space. I genuinly thought that God had given up on me. Forgotten I had even existed. And for me, that is the worst possible thing that could ever happen to me. Ive felt so alone. In my life right now, I don't feel like Im fulfilling the purpose for which God has created me for. why would he not let me have a job, to stay at home all day everyday... I guess I'll find out when I look back. But mostly, I pray that when I do look back, I see Gods footprints in it all. That I see Him carrying me through to the next step. Cause everything happens for a reason, right?

God spoke directly to me tonight through this song. Typically, I suppose seen as he has given me such a massive passion for music, particularly lyrics in music. But now I can feel him with me, he's sitting next to me as I right this. I can't describe the feeling. It's not freaky in anyway. He's just there. Like he always has been. After everything me and Him have gone through together, you'd think I'd know better than to think he had abandoned me! He says in the bible lots "I will never leave you or forsake you". I was reassured. It feels good to just know I'm spending time with God right now. It's like when your with your closest friend in the whole wide world. You don't have to say anything to each other. Its now awkward. Its ok. Your spending time together doing whatever your doing, but your together. And that in itself is special. So thats how I'm feeling right now as I write this.

The other thing I realised is just how much I have got to be thankful for. Yeah, my life is a bit shit right now, but seeing that video and all the children with no family, no house, no-one. I am a very rich person, because I have my family, friends, and I can go to sleep under a duvet in a comfy bed every single night. no question. I know where my next meal is coming from, and know that if I ever needed anything I could ask my mum, dad or sister for it. Im so thankful that I've got people who love me so much, and people to love. I just pray that tomorrow everyone in the whole world has wakes up with the same thing. And I wish I could actually be doing something to share the love. when it comes to sharing God's love, Im very much a do-er not a preacher. I like to show that God loves people. I just don't know how.

Anyway, I think thats it for me again tonight. As you can tell, I have lots of thoughts, and I love writing, and I have too much time on my hands, cause I keep wreeling these blogs of constantly! but anyway... realise what you've got to be thankful for, and know that God is closer than ever when you think he's as far away as he could possibly me.

Deuteronomy 31:6 - for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you

Stronggg
Lizzie x

I have the best friends in the whole wide friggin' world!

2008-11-18T17:42:00.000-08:00

So I went to visit Ashby De La Zouch this weekend, to see all those beautiful people that live their lives there. I miss it, I really do! It wasn't till I moved there that I saw what real friendship was about. What it meant to have real friends. Obviously I have friends that I've had for a long time before I moved to Ashby, but it was only from being there that I realised how much my friends meant to me. My friends in Ashby genuinly love me and miss me, and the feeling is mutual. I go back and feel like I'm going home to see my family. Cause I love ALL my friends there so much, that they are my family! Sam and Darcie picked me up from Liverpool on Saturday. They drove all the way here to pick me up and then drove me all the way back. Now I have never had friends before who would ever do that for me. So for them to do that for me meant sooo much!
And yesterday, (Darcie, this is where its all about you baby :-P) Darcie bought me the cutest present in the whole world to say sorry for somethin she did to me. It was a little blue nose! soooo cute! I was happy the rest of the day. Was the first time in my whole life that a friend had randomly decided to buy me a present. I loved it! When I first met Darcie, I was proper intimidated by her, I liked her, but didn't get along with her, cause i didn't quite know how to take her, but now, ive seen how amazing she is, Darcie, I'm saying this to you in my scouse accent... DARCIE ANDREWS, I LOVE YOU! :-P ... you love it dont ya? yeah you do.
So anyway, my friends mean the world to me, If your my friend, you've no idea just how much I love you. you make my life worth living (so does jesus, but I kind of class him as a mate too) so thank you! your amazing!

Im out.
In a bit...
x

oh i almost forgot this bit...
Ecclesiastes 4:10 says - If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

John 15: 11-13 - I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy (...) This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends.

Sex

2008-11-08T15:21:00.000-08:00

Just an after thought... the inrpiration for the post came from Men Behaving Badly...
Sex is such a huge topic. Lots of people spend lots of time thinking about, talking about, having, warning about, wanting... sex. Its a big topic, with lots of different things to talk about. A lot of the time people talk about it very crudely, and people talk about it very nicely. People talk about it with their friends. People educate school children about sex. Safe sex, when to have sex when not to have sex, consensual sex, non consensual sex... the list goes on... dont you think such a HUGE topics deserves a bigger word than "sex" a three letter word. ok so the full name is sexual intercourse but we all call it sex and you know it! Sex.
that is all

Adios
x

p.s. no i am NOT drunk!

Fat Single and ready to Mingle!

2008-11-07T07:04:00.001-08:00

Why is it that people, Christians in particular, are so caught up in trying to find "The One"?

Now Im not coming from a place where I think its stupid and Im not the same as most 21 year old Christians my age, because I am exactly like this... Im just not very good at the whole relationship thing. I try and make people percieve me as someone who isn't really fussed about relationships, is content on my own, and is just being patient.

The truth is, Im petrified that I am going to die alone. thats the truth. I see so many people around me who are getting married, getting engaged, having sex, smitten... and I hate that its not me. Im not even interested in anyone at the moment. I haven't been since last year. then that guy got a girlfriend during my first year at yfc, when I couldnt have said anything, even if I wanted to. We called it "section 4" on YFC. We got bollocked for it because it was making a joke out of a "very serious clause" but thats what it was... and always will be until they remove it. Which I dont think they will, and don't think they should.

I know, I know. It is just ridiculous that im hung up on all this stuff when Im only 21. I know people who didn't get married until they were in their 40s. My mum and dad didn't get married untill they were 32, or something like that. So its not like I'm abnormal in anyway. Maybe I'm just too fussy. Maybe being fussy is a good thing. Maybe not settling for less is the way you know when something is special. (oh my goodness, I'm such a girl!)

God says in Genesis that "It is not good for man to be alone" so he created women for men. It doesn't say anywhere that He created Men for Women. Maybe thats why there are so many more single Christian women than there are Men. Maybe thats why there are less Christian Men then Christian Women. I've heard a few times at the many different camps, conferences etc that some women are called to be single, or as I like to call it "married to Jesus"... cause the cheeseyness of the situation deserves a cheesey name!
Now I understand that this is the case. God's perfect so what he does and says is therefore perfect. However I do hate how patronising people are about it. calling you "special" cause your going to be single for the rest of your life. "It means God has a special calling for you blah blah blah".
However, It's something Ive prayed lots about. If God wants me to be single, that he will take away the desire in my heart to be with somebody. So I'm still waiting for Him to change my desire. maybe in time he will, or maybe I am destined to be with someone. Who knows, only time will tell.

So Ive kind of gone off topic a little bit. back to why are christians so caught up in finding their special "someone". Well I think I have two answers. They're not the only answers. they might not even be the right answers, but they're my answers. One, simply, is because its how God created us. So its just part of our lives. like brushing our teeth everyday. Looking for a companion is just part of our everyday life. Just another part of following Gods purpose for our life. My other answer is that its due to insecurity. Every human that walks the planet is insecure about something. And a lot of people are insecure with themselves. In simple terms, we're desperate! that sounds really bad, but if you really think about it, its true isn't it? we are longing so much for someone to give us some kind of self assurance. and without that self assurance, we can become really insecure with ourselves. this is definitly the case for me, and many of my friends and the people that I know. Im sure that this isn't the case for every living soul, but for a lot of them. Especially us ladies. Which brings me to another question which Im not going to answer. Why the flippin' 'eck are Men not meant to be alone and not women? cause women, in general I should emphasise, are the most insecure of the sexes. I love God all the time, but sometimes, because I dont understand, his reasonings and actions just annoy me!

that is all... i dont think any of my blogs make any sense, but Im finding them very useful for keeping my brain working, my spiritual life growing, and my time on the internet a lot more productive!

Would love to hear comments, but if no-one comments, I won't cry or anything

Ciao for now
x

2008-10-26T14:07:00.000-07:00

Worship... I love it! I actually love it! love it love it love it love it. I dont just mean musical worship.

Worship, for me, is lifting up my thoughts, feelings, good or bad, to God. Its me connecting with God. Its me saying you know what God, Im feeling like this today. And thanking him. Even if I'm feeling crap. Cause especially in those bad times, I am growing in God, and Him in me. I just love connecting with God. On purpose connecting with Him. Whether that be purposly spending time in quiet, doing nothing with God, or whether Im dancing round my living room with my guitar making up stupid melodies or whatever I'm doing. Every day, I try and remember to commit my day as worship to God. Because lets face it, He deserves my 100% attention 24/7 365/6 days a year.

I love my guitar. Its one of my favourite things in the whole wide world. I prayed before I bought it, and I gave it to God. I told him it was His, and that everything that I play on it was me worshipping Him. Sometimes, I sit down with my guitar, with an intention of worshipping the fella that saved my life. but even when I'm just with my friends, or playing my latest favourite song in the charts. I'm worshipping God. Because I'm using the gifts that he's given me. Its me paying attention to the fact that he has given me the gift of singing and playing guitar, and using it to bring myself and my friends joy, but especially God. I do it because I can. I can because He created me that way. So when I pick up that guitar, whether its to play christian music, something I've written, or Umbrella ella ella eh eh eh, Its me connecting with my creator/saviour/teacher.

But theres loads of different ways I worship God. I worship Him when Im walking my doggy and stirring in amazement at the stuff around me. I worship Him when I'm laughing and when I'm smiling. I even worship Him when Im out in the clubs dancing, even though I'm a flippin' awful dancer!

Get your worship out guys and girls. It will make you feel wonderful and will keep you connected to Him.

just to share something that has blessed me today

2008-10-22T09:17:00.000-07:00

So last november, I turned 20... I had a quarter-life crises! I couldn't believe i was no longer a teenager. I was half expecting myself to start going wrinkly and lose my teeth and all the other things that come with being old... well, I have always been a bit of a drama queen.

Anyway... my lovely local boss lady kathryn bought me a tea pot for my birthday. I make the best tea in the world, and kathryn always raved about it. So she bought me this tea pot anyway. Its white with loads of different coloured dots on it. big chunky handle... it is beautiful. Ive been drinking tea out of it today and it has bought me lots of joy.

I just wanted to share that. I'm not really too sure why, but there you go. Its out there now. ha!
Well that is probably all I have to say today. Except that Im applying for a couple of jobs at the moment. One in the Crown Plaza hotel doing bar and restaurant work and one at Tesco being a cashier... please, if you pray, pray for me!

Thank You Please

With me being an ameteur youth worker, I thought this was pretty funny

2008-10-21T16:23:00.000-07:00

I am...

2008-10-21T14:31:00.000-07:00

Hi, welcome to my blog.
So 3 months ago, I finished my 2 Gap years... yes thats right 2 Gap years, with youth for christ, working in Ashby De La Zouch... and yes that is a real place in England! I was doing youthwork of much variety which gave me a calling in life. And now I'm not doing anything at all. I dont think thats irony, but its pretty flippin' stupid. Well, I'm on the dole so I go down to the job centre every other week. I take the dog out occasionally and do lots of ironing and cleaning. So its safe to say, I'm not really feeling like I'm fulfilling any of my life's purposes right now. My brain is asleep and needs waking up. It needs some exercise, as does the rest of me, but we'll start with brain exercise first of all and see how that goes. lets not be too hasty.
Now to exercise my brain, and at the same time my heart, I'm going to do this blog... as the title of the blog shows, I've no idea where this is going to go. But hopefully, unlike the rest of the things I seem to do in my life, this isn't just a one off thing that I'll get bored of after 2 posts.

Anyway, I digress. I'm going to stop beating round the bush... so to speak, and get on with whatever it is this blog is all about.

So I've been thinking alot about identity recently. What is it about us that identifies us as "me"? Are we even happy, proud of who we are? We know if a man is Jewish, because of those wee hats they wear. We know if were sitting next to a businesswoman on the train, because they're wearing a skirt suit or whatever its called with a big laptop bag and a big ass expensive video phone glued to their right ear.

Then I was thinking, the most important thing to know about me, is that I'm a christian, but how can you even tell I'm a christian unless I wear a t-shirt that says "I'm married to Jesus Christ... always and forever"? I don't tell every person I walk past on the street that I'm a christian. A Lot of my friends don't even know. In Matthew 28:19-20 Jesus says this - "God authorised and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age."
So Jesus wasn't messing around with his words. when he says everyone he means EVERYONE! pretty scary thought right? Is it even possible? (Of course it is... this is doing something that God is telling us he will be with us with when we do it! And if the big boss man wants us to do it, he's going to help us.) So Jesus gives us the authority to teach about him... so surely this must start with some kind of identification. Knowing who we are and what we are to do through Him, and telling others of our identification. Of what it is we are all about. Love and Salvation ... I would say that sums up my faith. Or maybe Salvation because of love. Anyway, back to my point (I say as if i know where this post is going)
Then I was thinking, well... if I am who I am because God made me "in his image" as it says in Genesis 1:27 and the Bible is God's word, written by God ... but thats a wholenother (did i just make that word up?) debate. Then the Bible must tell us what God is like. I know that sounds pretty obvious to the mature christian, but a lot of people dont realise that. So surely because the Bible tells us who God is and we are made in His image, it will tell us who we are. Or at least what we should be.

Lets be completely honest from the begining... I ain't no Bible Scholar. I'm far from it. I havent opened my Bible since I was at camp in August. But I still love Jesus, and am continuously praying to Him ever since I left YFC. Not that I feel I have to justify my none Bible reading time with everybody by telling you I pray. Hopefully you would accept me for who I am, including the things I do and don't do, anyway.

Which leads nicely onto my next bit about identity. Do we value who we are? Do we love ourselves? one of the most important commandments is "Love one another as you love yourself" or words to that effect. So no wonder the world's in the mess it is right now. no wonder everyone is skint and people are dying or starvation, and there is war, and people stab each other, and people shoot 11 year old children, and people bully their school mates and even work collegues! Where is the love people? seriously. It well frustrates me that people focus on punishment and not love. I worked in a prison during the 2 years I was in Ashby. Those lads possibly had the lowest self esteem I had ever experienced in my whole life. And they weren't female! so lets get that out the way for a start. Lads, you really need to wake up to your feelings and start being honest with yourself and open to someone you can trust about it. If we can't love ourselves, who can we love? sometimes, its easy to love our parents, children, siblings, friends, but do you always love? Think about it after you've read 1 corinthians 13 (the "love is..." bit)
Part of the reason I think I'm pretty amazing, is because I am sure of who I am and that God loves me completely whole heartedly and 120349587345% unconditionally. p.s When have you ever read in the creation story that God made a mistake? It was us pillocks that brought sin into the world by the way. So if God doesnt make mistakes, how could he have made any mistakes when he created you? If God is perfect, God doesn't make mistakes. If God doesn't make mistakes, how the flippin 'eck are you a mistake?
I used to pretty much hate myself up untill the point that I realised the simple facts above. In my first year of YFC my very lovely boss lady helped me to realise all of this. She seemed very wise, very Godly, and very much like she was sure of her identity. At first I asked her if I could be accountable to her for me trying to lose weight, but she saw something much deeper than a need to be fit and healthy. she saw the reason behind that need, which wasn't, in itself, a healthy reason. So, cutting a long long long story a little bit shorter, she prayed for me, I prayed for me, we did Bible studies (till i got bored) until the point where I could sit her down and thank her with all my heart for what she had done for me. And I even prayed for her, which is something I hated doing with others. I never even used to pray out loud by myself!

And this is pretty much my reasons for wanting to pursue Youth Ministry as a career. Because we are told to love. Not to talk about love (well were told to do that to) but to actually love. and God knows, the young people of today need to know that perfect unconditional love. Having said that, that doesn't mean that all the people past the age of 22 have got it all sorted and are completely sure of themselves. No one who has never experienced the hand of God on their life can ever say they have truly experienced Love... Well thats my opinion anway.

Well I'm out,
please dont send me anything to sign my autograph for you on... I tell you this with peace and love. I have a lot on these days, with having to sign on and iron and so on. No more autographs
Peace and Love

Lizzie
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